You are so deserving

What happens when we get stuck in belief systems where we think we are not deserving of love, success, wealth, abundance, joy, health, or amazingdeserving 2 relationships?

Well I’m starting to see a pattern.

Whenever I am firmly set in a belief of “I am not worthy” or “I am not deserving” of something, it becomes almost a self-fulfilling prophecy. What do I mean by that?

I self-sabotage. I self-sabotage like a motherfucker.

I am in a (relatively) new relationship and, without going into any detail I will just say that it’s going really well. But despite my intense joy and fulfillment (MOST of the time) I sometimes find myself in a state of unworthiness, of feeling undeserving of this great relationship.

And it doesn’t hit me as obviously as you would expect. No, instead that feeling of being unworthy creeps in from behind and stops me in my tracks. It shows itself when I question intentions, start to lose trust, and become full of doubt.

Do I have good reason for this? Is this person I am involved with causing me alarm? Nope. Absolutely not. In fact, they are SO rock solid and trustworthy that I am constantly blown away that a person like this exists.

So what is to be done here? There’s got to be a way to shift this, to turn it around.

There is.

I actually expressed these sentiments to my new partner and he simply replied “You are so deserving.” I almost cried when I read them. I needed to hear those exact words so badly and it has become a mantra for me whenever I begin to doubt.

When I start to believe and live this mantra out loud I begin to see its manifestation not only in my relationship, but it starts to become easier to believe that I am deserving of other things in life such as abundance, financial success, professional success, emotional availability. My list continues to grow.

I’m not talking about wishful thinking here but instead building up on what already exists that is real and true. What is real is that I’ve got a guy who thinks the world of me – so I’m going to keep falling into this wonderful journey we have started.

What is true is that I am pouring my heart and soul into a career that is meaningful and empowering and therefor I have no reason not to create all sorts of abundance in this life.

What are some things that you feel undeserving of? Is it health? (I have struggled with this one as well with my migraines.)

Or maybe it’s feeling loved for the very person that you are.

Sometimes we need to hear those words over and over. Sometimes just saying them to ourselves doesn’t always do it. Seek out those people who are going to remind you that You Are So Deserving.

And I am here to remind you that, if you are reading this, you are so deserving.

I’m going to make you a promise right here, right now. That when you start to open up about this stuff, you start to heal, and you will start to grow and notice change. If you are fearful of sharing in an open forum then my inbox is always open.

With Love,

Maggie

PS. Book your FREE 30 minute coaching call with me today by clicking here. XOXO

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A Letter to The Haters

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In celebration of this letter I present to you my #healthybellyselfie – something I have been terrified of sharing/posting for months. I’m free!

Are you ever on the brink of saying, sharing, posting, shouting something very brave that puts you in a very vulnerable position? Where you are ready to hit send, post, publish, or whatever and then …

… then you think of all the possible “haters” and how they might react?

I kid you not, it happens to me almost every time. And I have a running list of haters – who will be offended, who will unfollow me, who will unfriend me, who will unsubscribe from my newsletter … sometimes it’s different haters for different venues, sometimes there are haters across the board.

But then do you ultimately decide to put yourself out there? To share with the world that which is the most frightening for you to share? To release all your shame. To make your mess your story…

I ultimately and consistently decide to continue to put myself out there. In a social media, virtual kind of way … and the more I do that, I do it in a face-to-face, real life kind of way.

And what happens when I do?

Hugs. Tears. Laughter. Sharing. Support. Community. And feedback in the most beautiful and honest way.

I forget about the haters – they seem to dissolve into thin air – because I see who all the likers … no all the lovers … are.

And I will tell you that I have been unsubscribed from, de-friended, unfollowed, and so forth by some of my penned “haters.” Maybe it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, maybe it’s instincts, but regardless I’m learning that it doesn’t matter. That as I make my mess my story and my mission, I’m going to offend, annoy, and piss off a few folks along the way.

But I have to tell you that it’s so worth it when I start to see a community of brave and heart-filled souls building around me. It’s a slow and steady build and one brave soul is worth losing 1000 hater/followers on any social media platform.

As Brene Brown so eloquently puts it:

Don’t try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer.

I will NEVER win over the haters, so I’m making a promise to myself (and to you) that I’m going to quit trying and quit worrying about them. Who knows, maybe they will make their way back to me someday? Either way, I wish them well.

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We Are in the midst of a body shaming epidemic. Let’s change that.

Our society is in the midst of an epidemic of body shaming and self-loathing. There is a scarcity of self-acceptance.  6097785133_02db3aeb1b

Many of us learn, from a young age, that we are not alright just as we are. That our bellies could be flatter, our teeth whiter, our houses bigger, or our hair straighter. We struggle to look in the mirror and simply accept what we see, let alone love what we see.

I spent my late teens and early twenties battling bulimia. My self-loathing reached a point that I was creating physical harm to my body. I will say that the one thing that pulled me out of a lot of darkness was a regular yoga practice that helped me shift my belief system. I went from believing that my thighs were too chunky to feeling grateful for all that they were capable of. It is a work in progress, that I still struggle with from time to time to this day, but I now have the tools and capabilities to shift my thinking from body shaming to self-acceptance.

Imagine what life would be like if you could look at yourself in the mirror and notice each and every part of you as something that is beautiful. Imagine if you could recognize your “flaws” as the greatest parts of yourself. Imagine if you talked to yourself the way you talk to those you love the most – with words of utmost encouragement, kindness, and love.

This is what I work with people on through the modalities of Health Coaching and Bowspring Yoga.

Let’s start to make our own rules so that we see the rolls, spare tires, cellulite, dimples as markers of beauty rather than shunning them. All the while being more efficient in the way we move our bodies and treating ourselves better as we are getting healthier.

I invite you to join me this spring to start to see yourself through a fresh pair of eyes and with a more loving heart. I am offering a special to you as well as anyone you refer to experience Health Coaching with me:

3 Health Coaching sessions for $200 (phone, valued at $375)

OR

6 Health Coaching sessions for $385 (phone, valued at $750)

All sessions are for one-hour duration.
Click here to read about what you can expect from Health Coaching.

If you’re considering health coaching but are on the fence, I offer a 30 minute complimentary sample session. Click here to schedule your session.

Please email me maggie@maggieconverse.com or comment below with ANY questions. 

With Love and Gratitude,

Maggie

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Simply Living and Living Simply

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Flowers blooming out of the ledge at Zion National Park.

On my most recent visit to my chiropractor we were catching up as it had been over 2 weeks since my last appointment. Dr. Josh Lander is still a new fixture in my life but I have already seen huge gains in the health of my hip and knee. During our sessions I feel free to ask any questions about the work he is doing (to help with my injuries) but we will also chat about race schedules, I ask random questions about running, and during this last visit he asked if I had been up to anything cool.

I immediately felt the need to respond with an impressive laundry list of my recent feats. Work, personal life, vacation, you name it. I was so relieved that I had something “cool” to talk about – my most recent trip out west.

I told Dr. Lander about the many places I visited with my cousin in just 4 days, covering over 1000 miles as we drove through Arizona, Nevada, and Utah.

When I turned the question back to Josh, and asked if he had been up to anything cool recently, he replied with a chuckle, “working my ass off.” He expanded to say “that and fitness. I had lyme for 3 months over the winter so I’m just really happy to be able to be focusing on my fitness again. I’m living simply.”

That’s when it hit me how much we (or at the very least I) often strive to have more on my plate: more classes, more clients, more events, more slots full. And I often find myself wanting to be able to regale folks with all the amazing things I am up to, but then have a sinking feeling that A) those things aren’t really that amazing and who’s going to give a damn? or B) Who wants to hear if I’m just living simply and feeling super happy by the little things like being able to run?

I can answer that second question for you: I do!

I was so relieved to hear someone, who is highly successful, happy, and motivated, be completely honest and also proud of the fact that they are living simply. And feeling fulfilled from having their health back.

And when I really think about it, and dig a little deeper, I too feel full from the fact that my migraine patterns have shifted to the point where I can work, be social, regularly attend yoga, and run outside. I am so grateful that my health has taken a turn for the better. It is a very simple, yet substantial (and literally life changing) gift.

It’s time to stop beating ourselves up for not doing enough, for always feeling like our plate isn’t full enough. Our plates, our hearts, our souls – they are plenty full if we stop and take inventory. Yes, I’m telling you to take it easy on yourself, create a groovy balance in your life, find your mojo, live simply. Or simply live.

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When my dentist suggests I whiten my teeth & consider fixing the crowding…

I love my dentist but, it makes me want to run for the hills when they start talking to me about whitening my teeth a couple shades.

How is it that a regular cleaning turns into a pitch for brightening (read: changing) your smile? What if I was just getting acquainted with the newly coffee/wine-stained tint of my teeth? Is it going to cause any health issues further down the road?

Nope. The real kicker is when they tell me “it’s purely for cosmetic purposes.”

I understand they are only doing their job and they mean no harm by suggesting this.

It’s merely a representation of the way that our society has been permeated by a firm belief that we SHOULD change our appearance. That we really SHOULD look a certain way.

Don’t even get me started on what they said about my “crowding” on my lower teeth…

Really, I love my dentist. And I had a better experience at the dentist today than I have ever had in my adult life. No pain, no new cavities, no sensitivity. But it was disheartening that I couldn’t escape the need to change our appearance, even at the dentist. It’s something I’m almost used to at the dermatologist (“thinking about botox?”) – but I guess I’m not spared at the dentist any more…

All that said, I’m learning to love the tint of my teeth and the crowding on my bottom teeth that is a result of braces taken off too early and losing my retainer at age 14. Like, really, it’s OK. I love my coffee and tea and red wine. Maybe down the road when it’s in my budget, I’ll see what this whole whitening thing is about, but for now I’m all set.

Have you ever had someone suggest you change something about your appearance? How do you deal with it? I want to hear from you! Feel free to post in the comments below. XO

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Trusting in the Process of Change

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Limber Pine in Bryce Canyon National Park

First thing this morning I read a blog entry posted by my friend and client. It was on change. It didn’t take but a moment for me to feel like he was talking directly to me as I started to read:

“Change, for me, comes during times of struggle.  I’ve never made a significant change when I’m warm and comfy…..ever.”

I read these two sentences over and over again and I got chills. This really must be the universe reminding me that as I am going through a challenging time, I must trust that staying present in this discomfort will result in something greater.

There is a quote (who can tell me who it’s by?) that goes:

If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.

Well, here I am at 31 slowly building my dream life and career, while being confronted by the financial challenges (and sometimes grim realities) of a freelancer/independent contractor. By the instability of a schedule that is in constant flux with ebbs and flows, gains and losses. I am constantly reminded of impermanence and that nothing is guaranteed. And then I notice how do I deal with the reality of impermanence? How do I approach it with love, grace, and compassion?

I approach these challenges with love, grace, and compassion by keeping the faith and by trusting.

I have Faith that when it feels like everything is crumbling and dissolving, there will be an equal amount of rebuilding and resolving. And that when I do eventually get to the other side I will have a laugh at how discouraged I once felt.

I Trust that it’s ok to ask for help. I trust that when I ask for help people won’t run away and that it’s ok to cry when I feel like my small little world is falling to smithereens. I Trust in the support of a loving community of heart-driven people. I Trust in myself that “I can do this” and that “I have my own back” as does the universe and said community.

When I visited Bryce Canyon National Park last weekend there was a beautiful tree as we neared the end of our hike: the Limber Pine. You can tell by it’s exposed sprawling roots, unprotected by earth, that this tree has been through hell and back again. And then I read about the tree, about how they are resilient and can grow on the edge of cliffs, exposed to erosion and the elements, but deeply connected by their strong tangle of roots.

I resolved then and there that as I go through the challenges I am currently faced with, I want to be resilient like the Limber Pine that surely goes through struggles but allows it’s branches to bend and sway so that it can then stand upright and elegant time and time again.

My friend was right, I can’t think of a time that I’ve taken great strides when I’ve been all warm and comfy. And don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing I love more than being warm and comfy. Except maybe welcoming the opportunity for change.

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Here’s How You Can Prepare for “Bikini Body” Season

bikinibodyIn case you haven’t already been reminded, bikini season is almost upon us. And chances are you have seen a multitude of messages letting you know the various methods to obtain your perfect bikini body through detoxes, yoga, and bootcamps.

Before signing up for that Bikini Body Bootcamp – take a beat – and listen. Listen to yourself and what your intentions are for obtaining the so-called “bikini body.”

Read the full piece on Elephant Journal by clicking here. 

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Rolls, Thigh Gaps, and Spare Tires

6097785133_02db3aeb1bWhen did we learn that having “rolls” (on our stomach) is a bad thing? Furthermore, when did we learn that having these rolls makes us inherently bad?

I asked this of a dear friend and mentor of mine after reading her very moving piece pertaining to her own body image struggles and her reply was:

Society’s image: stick thin is so ingrained on our psyches that we can’t see ampleness as beauty. In Rueben’s day I’d be on the cover of Vogue.

I couldn’t agree more.

But then as I was driving to meet a client later in the day I thought to myself: wait a minute, what about the girls who ARE stick thin and are STILL unhappy with their bodies and themselves? I can think of a few friends off the top of my head who I look at and think wow they must not have any body image issues, but then they open up to me and all the self-hatred leaks out so effortlessly.

What I think this comes down to is a scarcity issue in our society. It’s a much bigger issue than I can sometimes wrap my head around. I know that people often look at me, or even read my blogs about struggling with my own body image, and think to themselves “what does she have to worry about?”

But from a young age I can remember comparing myself to the other girls who were smaller, thinner, prettier, smarter, more talented, getting into better colleges, and so forth. The comparing and subsequent self-loathing seemed endless.

I allowed myself to believe that, despite my parents best efforts in trying to reassure I was doing enough – that I was gorgeous, smart, and talented – I still firmly believed that I just wasn’t cutting it. Something had to be wrong the very makeup of me. And nevermind my little belly that I discovered at a very early age and have had a love/hate relationship with every since (mostly hate until recent years).

The conversation isn’t over. An answer has not yet been found as to how we are going to cure this illness we have in our society. I aim to continue thinking about it, writing about it, discussing it, and sharing it. And in my own small community I hope to show women and men how they can use yoga as a modality toward self-acceptance. It certainly does not happen overnight but through regular practice.

I don’t care if you can do a handstand, touch your toes, or twist into a pretzel …. what I care about is how do you take the yoga with you? How does it infiltrate your self-worth? Therein lies the true practice. When you can be standing in line at the grocery store, and look down at your legs – regardless of their shape or size – and think how grateful you are that they are holding you. Rather than ripping into how lumpy they may look, or wondering why you were one of the unlucky ones born without a thigh gap.

Or it happens when you are getting dressed in the morning. And you stop and see yourself in the mirror, and while your first inclination might be to drown in the squishiness of your belly and just plain hate yourself, instead you start to see your roundness and fullness as a representation or how full and grand your heart is.

Why can’t it all be beauty? Ampleness, thin, slim, round, full, slender, skinny minny… as long as our bodies and our souls are healthy – isn’t that true beauty?

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Crushing It, Softly

I did a yoga photoshoot yesterday. I was asked to be the subject in a local photographer’s shoot entitled “Crushing It: Portraits of Women Athletes.” My first reaction to even being asked was “Wait, what? You think I’m an athlete? You think I’m crushing it??” Hello gremlins!

In the days leading up to the shoot I was sure I would nail it. And not nail it in the sense that the photographer would get a great shot – I knew she was talented and would get the shot she wanted. I mean nail it in the sense that I would feel like a million bucks, comfortable in my own skin, as if I would all of a sudden magically transform into a total yoga babe.

But as the day of the shoot arrived, I started doubting myself, again. I still can’t hold a handstand in the middle of the room. Nor can I run very far or fast at the moment thanks to a knee/hip injury I am trying to heal. And I have to take at least one of the races I’m signed up for this year off my calendar due to said injury…

So … let’s get the straight … you still think I’m Crushing It? You still think I’m an athlete? Okay…

And then of course I had to analyze my body. No, wait, I had to deeply criticize my body.

I do not have the defined muscles like some of the other incredible subjects in the project. Even as I changed into my outfit for the shoot – a sports bra (suggested item) and yoga pants that I tried on that I picked out believing yeah I can totally rock this – I started to doubt. No, I went further than doubt – I started to really tear myself apart.

I started to see the softness around my belly button. My familiar pooch – it’s definitely still there, and probably always will be. Thought to myself why won’t it just disappear? To me the sports bra dug in and created even more softness around my chest, arms, and back. I thought to myself “is she really going to want this in her photograph?”

I could feel myself sinking and slipping deeper into that bottomless pit of self hatred.

As I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror at the studio where we were doing the shoot, I felt that familiar lump in my throat and the tears started to swell. Tears of shame about my body. That somehow the fact that I have a softness to me means that I am bad, that I am a failure, that I cannot possibly be an athlete who is crushing it. You can’t crush it with softness. Right?

But the tears were also a sadness that I could beat myself up in such a way. That I have been conditioned to criticize. To constantly look for my flaws even when at first glance I don’t even see them! I fast forward past “You look great!!!” to “What the fuck were you thinking Maggie picking a SPORTS BRA for this photoshoot??? You can’t pull this shit off.”

As I gathered my things and started to leave the bathroom, I gave myself one last glance in the mirror, I saw where my underwear cut into the softness around my hips leaving a dent, and said to myself “It doesn’t matter what you look like. That’s not what they see, that’s not what they care about.” And if I’m being totally truthful here, it’s not what I want to care about.

And then I started to do the yoga. I started to do the poses. I started to wash away the bullshit…. almost immediately. It felt like I was coming home in my body. I loved the softness of my belly that lengthened as I curled into a backbend. Conversely the strength in my back that supported me while being soft enough as if it were uttering “I love you.”

It was like all the mindfuckery had vanished. Just like that, it was gone.

The next day I put on my clothes to go or a run. There was that familiar puffiness around the top of my waist band. I took a moment to look at myself in the mirror, then felt, palpated the puffiness. I thought to myself, it is what it is. It’s me and it’s beautiful.

I know through this work that I need mantras. I need positive self-talk to pull me out of my own bullshit and shame. And the cherry on top is the yoga asana practice. Somehow it just seals the deal. It eases me into a perspective on my body and my self that allows me to really believe “hell yeah, I am crushing it.”

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Bowspring in action. Letting my belly be! Photo by Alley Maher. Another very talented local photographer.

Why can’t we see ourselves in the same light that others see us? Why oh why is it so terribly challenging? And why do we habitually resort to the self-criticism and judgement? It’s second nature to us.

Can you imagine if we talked to our friends and loved ones in the same manner we talk to ourselves?

I will say that through years of working on this I recognize the struggle may never fully go away. That I will have those moments where I define myself and my worthiness based on my appearance. Where I find myself slipping into ripping myself apart. But the work of practicing self-love comes and sweeps me up like a good friend picks you up from a bad breakup.

And I begin to turn off the negative self-talk and turn on …. believing. Believing that I am worthy, I am capable, that I am a hell of a lot more than enough. And believing that I am crushing it … softly.

If you’d like to see Irene Penny’s photo that was selected for the show (and all the other subjects she features), it will be on display Thursday May 21 6-8pm at Athleta – Westport, CT, 103 Main Street.

 

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4 Weeks Migraine-free!

gratitude-quotes-03I want to shout something from the rooftops: 4 WEEKS MIGRAINE FREE!! I have been holding my breath and waiting for today to come because it marks a pretty monumental thing for me: 4 weeks without a full blown migraine attack. I have had headache days and days when it felt like I was in the early stages of a migraine but … NOPE! Not a single fucking migraine. I remember what it felt like to live this kind of life. Where I can make plans, and keep them (well, most of the time).

I have been struggling with the fact that this improvement is likely due to the fact that I am participating in a trial study for a new migraine drug. I wish I could tell you “I am healing myself 100%” … A part of me absolutely HATES that I get an injection of this drug every month … but then there is the part of me that recognizes and is eternally grateful for advances such as this in modern medicine.

I do make sure that I eat well, sleep well, move my body, and feed my soul – all things necessary for a healthy life.

So instead of feeling guilty that I am on this new drug, I will feel indefinitely grateful that I am starting to see the light. Migraines are no joke, it has been a rough few years and I can hardly begin to explain what a relief it is to know that I can possibly live this way again. Even if it is temporary, I am grateful. INSANELY grateful.

What are you grateful for today?

So instead of feeling guilty that I am on this new drug, I will feel indefinitely grateful that I am starting to see the light. Migraines are no joke, it has been a rough few years and I can hardly begin to explain what a relief it is to know that I can possibly live this way again. Even if it is temporary, I am grateful. INSANELY grateful.

What are you grateful for today?

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