Category Archives: Friends

Forgive and Let Live

“Forgiveness clears out the old weeds and lets the sunlight in.”
– from friend and soul teacher, Josh Kane

My friend was sharing with me about his recent reconnection with an ex-girlfriend, or in his words a “past love.” I prefer his term past love as it holds more reverence and respect.

His experience was such that he felt a genuine joy from talking to this woman who I am sure at one point or another hurt him in some way. But he expressed that because of his ability to forgive her, he was finally able to derive joy and learning from the simple experience of reconnecting and hearing that she was on a much better path. He felt happy not only for his past love, but also for himself.

There was no filter, no ulterior motive, no agenda. What existed in its most pure and powerful form was forgiveness.

It got me thinking about my own experience with past loves. About how I can’t reach out with an open heart until all has been forgiven. And it’s not that I feel compelled to remain best buds with my exes (believe me, I have tried and failed), but should the occasion occur where we are prompted to engage in casual conversation, or perhaps call upon one another for a family tragedy, it’s nice to know you can interact with integrity and respect. No agenda. No ulterior motives.

I want you to think about how it feels to hold a grudge. Come on – we’ve all been there, I know you’ve done it. I have! When we hold a grudge, when we hold onto the way someone hurt us, when we hold onto the OLD STORY, we perpetuate and live in the old patterns and habits. Even if we have found a new partner, new friends, or a new career. When we hold a grudge we are doing ourselves the greatest disservice: we are depleting our own energy (and time!) by festering on what might have been instead of relishing in what is.

How can we appreciate the person, the love, the compassion that is presented right in front of us when we are stuck churning over past pain?

I don’t want to discount experiencing feelings to their fullest. In fact, I realize the necessity to feel our full spectrum of feelings in order to be able to forgive. When we suffocate the hurt and pretend we are hunky dory, that’s when forgiveness can seem to be eons away. We build ourselves the proverbial “wall.”

Every forgiveness will not lead to a restored friendship or even an amicable relationship between past loves. Sometimes all it means is that you forgive someone in your heart and let live. You let them live their life and you go on living yours.

The big difference however is that when you live your life you no longer carry the old story, the resentment, the anger, or perhaps even the fear that a wrong-doing will happen to you again.

You are OK with the fact, with the plain and simple truth, that it’s highly probable someone in your life will hurt you again. And again, and again, and again.

Forgiveness benefits the other person, absolutely. But when we forgive we are actually giving ourselves a beautiful gift. We are giving ourselves permission to proceed forward. It is not that we forget those who have crossed our paths, loved us and hurt us – no, they stay with us like a dear old shoe. But we can move forward with grace, so that we can approach that person with respect and truth. And so that we can treat ourselves with utmost respect and truth.

It is in this way that when we enter into new relationships and friendships we recognize what our values are. So that we can surround ourselves with the best possible people.

For some reason I keep thinking back to a particular past love. Let’s call him Tyler.

Tyler and I had what you would call a whirlwind romance. We fell in love hard and quickly. The relationship lasted about two years and seemed to crumble just as fast as it was built. Of course in retrospect, I see that it was built on very dissimilar values and a lack of truthful communication.

In the end there was so much hurt. This was the first time I really felt that sensation of my heart being ripped out of my chest. Torn into shreds. And then stomped on by angry elephants.

Tyler and I reconnected about a year after our break up and of course we hurt each other again. Or really, I hurt him. Why? Because I had never forgiven him. What followed was a slew of who could hurt the other person more, with him finally coming out “on top” with a mean email to beat all mean emails in life. An email that made me feel like a worthless piece of shit. The communication stopped there. Right in its tracks. I realized that responding to him in a similar manner would do me no good. Would only perpetuate the hurt. But then what? What was next?

It has taken me nearly three years to realize that what is next is the process of forgiveness. Forgiveness that can happen even though Tyler is no longer in my life. We no longer communicate in any form or function. We haven’t in three years.

I will sometimes sit at my computer, compelled to write him an email letting him know “I forgive you.” But I realize that’s not what is important. I am not looking for a response. I am not looking for an explanation. I am looking for a sense of relief, of letting go of the hurt that has rested and made a home in my heart.

As the hurt is let go and as I continue my process of forgiving Tyler, I start to open new opportunities, new doors for love in so many different ways. I also realize how I can start to forgive in other relationships and friendships. I notice the price we pay when we hold onto our hurt.

If it happens to be a past love – or present – allow yourself to feel the hurt. To get angry. Maybe even write it all down – as if you would present this in a letter to that person. But find your way to release it and to enter the process of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is power. Forgiveness is freedom. Forgiveness is a gesture of absolute love.

It is the magic potion that clears out the weeds and lets the sun shine in.

Check out Josh Kane and incredible yoga teacher Jennifer Buckman at Pop Up Yoga CT this summer – Yoga + Live Music = LOVE! 

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Upcoming Event: Bundle Up Hike/Run/Walk!

Bundle Up Trail Journey

I love finding new places to run and hike, so when I was introduced to the Norwalk River Valley Trail (thanks Erica!) I was beyond excited.

Now, I get to share this wonderful space with YOU. I will be teaming up with lululemon athletica Westport on December 13 for a serene (and free!) journey through the Norwalk River Valley Trail.

We will start with a short meditation followed by a 2 mile walk or run through the trail.

Bring the kids, the dogs, and yourself!

There will be coffee and hot cocoa waiting for you at the end – provided by Coffee Barn of Wilton.

Saturday December 13 – 9:30 to 10:30am
(Please plan to arrive early)
Parking: Please park in the commuter lot next to Orem’s Diner.
We ask that you kindly RSVP to maggie.converse@gmail.com.

We want to raise awareness of the trail and we also have a goal to raise $1,000. We are already halfway there!

There is a suggested donation of $25. So that we know it is for the Bundle Up event please enter “BUNDLE UP” in the comments section when you make your donation of any amount. We will announce the total amount raised on the 13th.

Donations can be made by clicking here. Don’t forget to use the code BUNDLE UP!

We will see you on the 13th!
Bundle up run (1)

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URF (also known as – “Ugly Run Face”)

My URF post is in part inspired by one of NYC Running Mama’s recent Facebook posts, a reminder that not all race photos are smiles and happiness. I share with you my URF photo from last weekend’s Newport Half Marathon.

Newport Half Marathon 10.13.13

Newport Half Marathon 10.13.13

Normally I would hide this out of shame that I am not smiling, beaming, laughing, and looking my absolute best. But something has shifted and I realize a photo like this perfectly summarizes the theme of Sunday’s race: being comfortable with being uncomfortable. We are talking every moment past mile 5 fearing I was going to hit the wall,  wanting to vomit, crazy ridiculous uncomfortable.

But do you want to know something? The discomfort was totally completely worth it. I had a silent goal for this race that only a few people knew about: a sub-2 hour half marathon. I kind of feared that if I started blabbering to everyone about this goal that I wouldn’t reach it but do you want to know something else? I did it! My net time was 1:58:45. This came after over a year of hovering in the 2:02-2:05 zone and also after Ironman. (In case I haven’t shared this with you yet, Ironman has kind of made me feel like I can do anything which is both a blessing and a curse.)

I held on through the discomfort, kept my goal in mind (ok I totally obsessed over my pace and time the entire race), held Clara in my heart to keep me going for those last few miles, and shrieked when I saw the clock at the finish line still reading below 2:00:00. Bottom line: I embrace my Ugly Run Face! In fact I think it’s rather gorgeous.

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Where am I? Why am I here?

Someone asked me what they should do about nerves for their upcoming first NYC Triathlon this weekend. Should they have a drink? Is there a magic pill they can take before the race? It made me think about what helps me when I get nervous before a race. It reminded me to listen to my own advice!

Here’s what I told him:

This is really where the mental aspect of triathlon and all endurance sports comes into play. Yes a drink or a supplement can help calm us down but what it really comes down to is finding a place of calm within ourselves. Especially amongst the external noises and distractions. Whether it’s by taking 5-10 deep breaths, by reminding ourselves “I can do this”, or visualizing a positive race experience.

You go through a kaleidoscope of emotions the days leading up to race day and of course the hours and minutes leading up to the start of the race. And I’m sure you are familiar with this already. The fear and the nerves are healthy and provide you with an extra burst of energy. But it’s also helpful to divert your mind away from the nerves. Imagine the crowds, the course, the feelings you will encounter along the way. It might feel like the hardest thing in the world at certain parts and at other times you will feel elated.

The first year I did NYC Tri was my first year doing triathlons and I was terrified of the swim. I had a moment of panic in the water but then got my mind on track  thinking about “Where am I? Why am I here?” That year it was my uncle who passed away from cancer that brought me there. So think about your personal reasons. What inspires you? What motivates you to do this?

This is your day. Your experience. And you are going to rock it.

I wasn’t expecting an answer to my questions but here is what he got back to me with, and I think it’s perfect:

Thank you. All my teammates are inspirational to me.

We lift each other up, people!! Sending all the best to my friends and teammates who will be racing NYC Triathlon this weekend.

97707-1956-012f

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What makes for a successful fundraiser?

What makes for a successful fundraiser? My original goal was to raise my first $1,000 and I had my sights set on that.  However, I quickly realized on Friday that there is something else that makes for a successful fundraiser.  I know this is going to sound majorly cheesy but … it’s good people. I found myself surrounded by incredible people on Friday night who made the trek to Williamsburg (or down the street for the local folks) on a cold February night to support me. I’m sure the talented DJs, free PBR, and incredible raffle prizes were also a major draw – ahem, you can’t say no to a signed copy of “Sexy Librarian”!

I have to give some major thank you’s to…

  • Passenger Bar for letting me host the event there
  • DJ AnjO – or Angelica Olstad, creator of PopUp Yoga NYC
  • DJ Pumpkin Patch – or Michael Saltsman
  • PBR for their generous donation for our open bar
  • My friends who were so kind to donate items and services for the raffle
  • Sarah Coulam and Suzanne Canon of CTF’s NF Endurance team, without whom I would not be doing an Ironman nor would I have sold as many raffle tickets

Thank you everyone! I have said this before but … So. Much. Gratitude.

fundraisermagsarah

Thanks Sarah for encouraging the crazy

Winner of Maggie's one on one yoga

Winner of Maggie’s one on one yoga

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