Ever since I was little I remember getting migraines. My first memories of them include lying on the Middle School auditorium floor, covering my eyes with my sweater, or my mother squeezing the tender spot on my right hand.
Fast forward to being 30 and I still get migraines. They go in waves of severity but currently they seem to be terrible, awful, and no good. Without going into too much detail, they leave me lying in bed (or on the couch) holding my head to try to manage the pain, making frequent trips to the bathroom because I cannot keep anything down.
I had a migraine just a few days ago. It came on Thursday night and finally started to subside Saturday evening. From the moment I woke up on Friday I knew exactly what was in store. I collected my pillow, most cozy blanket, and put on my most comforting yoga pants and headed to the couch where I would lie for hours in and out of sleep, switching ice packs every hour or so.
As the migraine worsened I started canceling obligations: work and social. I started thinking of what I was missing out on – the professional opportunities, the date I had planned with my boyfriend, the haircut, a day spent in sunshine. As Saturday approached, I started thinking about my time and the way that I spend it.
For all I know migraines are not life threatening. They are however very debilitating and affect my quality of life. They also reaffirm the idea of congruency, what is important, and what it is that gets me out of bed in the morning. Or, when suffering from a migraine, what is it that I miss doing the most?
And finally, these migraines are starting to shed light on the fact that I, like so many people today, have the tendency to say yes far too often and spread myself way too thin.
So why write about it in a blog post? I want to be completely transparent and use this as a commitment to my intention to say no with the confidence that I will not be missing out, especially when it is congruent with what I want. I’m starting to see that when we honor what it is that we truly want, we also start to learn more about the meaning of self-love.
“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits – anything that kept me small. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.”
- Kim McMillen